mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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