so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Never joke about your clitoris.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
