We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
