What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
