Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
