Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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