mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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