Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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