I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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