Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
