he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
