So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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