im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
