I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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