So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Two words: nipple clamps
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