I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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