My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
