i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize