she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
