Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
