So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My balls are so social today.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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