No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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