well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
