I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
