so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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