I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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