I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
