Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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