We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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