i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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