Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
