Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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