I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
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