We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The best revenge is premature balding
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
