You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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