we have officially lost it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Randomize
