you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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