So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
