wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
