If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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