Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
