Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
