theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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