Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
