No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
