Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
