Someone shit on the floor
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
