I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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