i think my tv is drunk
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
