I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
