Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
