I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
