There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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