He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
