I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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