she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
