So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
