my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
