she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
