my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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