it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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