Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
