Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
