and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this will be a night to untag.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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