thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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