why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
bring money and cleavage
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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