He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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